LIVING LA DOLCE VITA IN OUR TWILIGHT YEARS!
Excerpted from "The Golden Years...My Ass!: As Told By The Savvy Old Lady" (c)

By
THE SAVVY OLD LADY (c)
Joan Giorgianni

Sal, The Crabby Old Guy, a.k.a. my hubby, and I were once again sitting at the kitchen table, he drinking his coffee and I sipping my tea, (sounding like ma with her kerchief and pa with his cap) when suddenly he looked at me as if he had just received divine inspiration and said "Joan you have to start doing something now that we are retired!"  I almost choked back the laughter.  "I am," I said "I'm breathing, remember that old "Staying Alive" song, well that's me, and I just keep humming "Staying Alive, Staying Alive, uh, uh, uh Staying Alive."  He was not amused. "No Joan, I mean you really have to start doing something productive."  "Well for your information I am doing something productive upstairs." "No Joan, that's not what I mean, hiding in your quilting/computer/TV/telephone/smoking room is definitely, not being productive."   "Oh yes it is, I'm writing a story.  Hmmm, well it started out as a story then it turned into a diary and now I think it's become a tad bit more."  An incredulous look crossed the old boy's face and he practically choked out "You mean your writing a book?  A BOOK?" 

Despite the tone I wasn't offended and simply muttered,  "Well sort of a book, you see, when I finish it I am going to put it in a shoe box and place it in a safety deposit box for my heirs, that way they will at least inherit something from me besides the cat.  You know all our other assets will be inherited by the Bank" In shock he said, "What kind of book is it?"  "Well, I call it "The Golden Years...My Ass!" I read somewhere it's cathartic for someone to get all frustrations off their chest by putting their feelings down on paper.  So I just sit in front of my computer and bang out the words.  Just ask Oprah or Dr. Phil about the cleansing of the soul and mind."  I've finally come to the realization that there are so, so many people all across the globe that have taken an early retirement (some much younger than us and without any benefits) who were just not ready to stop their careers.  I felt it was necessary to speak out in a loud voice for the hundreds of thousands of families who are going through this unexpected phase in their so-called Golden Years and help them see the humorous side of this life change.  Even for those who retired "on schedule" the Golden Years seemed to hold some interesting unexpected events that needed a touch of humor to get through.  Yes, The Crabby Old Guy and I were lucky, his early retiement package provided financial security and we were doing quite well.  But what about all the others?  We personally knew of hundreds of people and read about thousands more who because of changes in company structures were left with no options and no financial security.  I can't even imagine how many people there are that go to bed every night wondering how they are going to pay their mortgage, food bills, electrical bills, medical bills and send their children off to college.  

I could see in Sal's eyes he didn't believe me for one moment.  The next words that popped out of his mouth could have been his last if it hadn't been for that damn pension.  "Dear, are you planning sequels to your book?"  Okay, that's it, I've had it.  In the sweetest voice I could conjure up, I said, "Yes, dear of course, its called the 'My Ass Series' and book number two will be, "I Gotta Love the Pain In My Ass", book number three will be, "Children, Neighbors, Relatives and Pets Up My Ass" and the piece de resistance and final book will be, "The World Can Kiss My Ass".  Ah, the Golden Years, you gotta love them, especially as told by a grandmother on steroids (okay FDA don't get nervous I'm not pumping iron) rather corticosteroids for all the inflammation in these old bones!   Oh, Hell, maybe, I should just volunteer for our churches Funeral Ministry Program that definitely would brighten up all my future days! 

[This is the first of a series of excerpts from my book "The Golden Years...My Ass! As Told By The Savvy Old Lady."   Subscribe or keep checking my website www.thesavvyoldlady.com  for future installments...Hugs! ]